Good Parents Need to be Aware of What Their Children Are Exposed to
Children (more than ever before) are being shown images of violence, drug additions, and sexual intimacy� on TV, movies and computer games, and also in magazines pointed towards teens.
About seven years ago, I was a nanny for a family with 5 daughters who ranged in age from 7 to 18 years. The middle daughter was thirteen at the time and she didn't like me very much.
One day we were sitting down on the couch to read her copy of Seventeen magazine. There on the cover was a headline that said "Ten ways to give your guy what he wants". We decided to read that one with each other. One of the "ways" described, very graphically, how to do an oral sexual act and amaze him with something to finish it off. As soon as I noticed the content the article was trying to get across, I stopped reading and she demanded that I continue reading. I was shocked and fully disarmed - I couldn't believe that a magazine for teenagers would have something like that in it. The knowledge presented in that article was something I have never been exposed to and I was over 30!
Now, the talk we had when we read that magazine article was one of the most powerful and unforgettable discussions I have experienced with a teen. Because we had looked at that magazine article with eachother, we had the chance to find every feeling and thought that the magazine article evoked. She let me talk to her, and I talked honestly with her. Because of that article and the discussion that followed, we grew closer together and were able to get along much better.
I shared this incident with her mother right when I was able to - showing her what was in the magazine she bought for her child, and I told her how I handled discussing such a delicate and important subject in the moment. Some moms would've been outraged and would've fired me on the spot. This mom was filled with gratitude towards me and asked for my support in furthering her availability to talk to her daughters about issues that parents would prefer not to talk about but know they need to do so.
The the most vital aspect in my mind to being an effective parent to a child at any age is TO BE AWARE. This means being actively engaged of things to which your children are being shown AND what they are thinking and feeling about it. With that awareness comes a natural want to talk and share with each other.
Children who know that their parents are there for them, believe that they are important. They get the message on a deep level that their parents care. Children need to know that the things the think and feel really matter, and that their parents are present for them in the times that they need them most.
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About the Author: Emily Bouchard, MSSW, offers a no-cost ezine to assist step parents. Also check out Emily's blended family website.
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